Showmax has timeously released the thought-provoking documentary The Weight of Gold, which explores the sometimes tragic aftermath of winning. Specifically, it looks at the steady flow of suicides that have shocked the Olympic community in the United States over the past decade.
In April 2017, Brett Rapkin, the Emmy-winning director of The Weight of Gold, conducted an emotional interview with 37-year-old Olympic bobsled gold-medal winner Steven Holcomb. Only days later, Steven committed suicide, leaving Brett with the difficult choice between scrapping his documentary entirely or broadening its subject matter. He chose the latter, honouring Steven’s memory and legacy by shining a light on the eye-opening number of Olympians struggling with mental health issues of their own.
American Olympians who have committed suicide include sport shooter Stephen Scherer in 2010; aerial skier Jeret “Speedy” Peterson in 2011; cyclist Kelly Catlin in 2019; and bobsledder Pavle Jovanovic in 2020.
The Weight of Gold is narrated by Michael Phelps (pictured top), the most decorated Olympian of all time, with 28 medals. He opens up about his post-Olympics drunk driving arrests and his own battle with suicidal thoughts. “We’re just so lost, ’cause we spent four years grinding for that one moment, and now we don’t know what the hell to do,” says Michael of Olympians post-Olympics. “I think it’s probably safe to say that a good 80%, maybe more, go through some kind of post-Olympic depression.”
For the Olympians in The Weight of Gold, sport was all-consuming from early childhood. “You think and you operate as if everything revolves around this sole focus, and that sole focus is the Olympics,” says speed skater Apolo Ohno, the most decorated American Olympian at the Winter Olympics, with eight medals. “Everything else is secondary, so your relationships, your school, your family, your other friends, everything that’s not catered to you performing at the highest level in sport, it’s a nonstarter conversation.”
When they finally go to compete at an Olympics, Michael says, “The only word that you can use to describe it is ‘overwhelming.’ You’ve basically been training your whole life for this one moment, and you know it’s not coming around again for another four years, if ever. That’s absolutely all in your head. And then throw in the fact that it’s all unfolding in front of the entire world? Like I said, overwhelming.”
Going down in history or being quickly forgotten
For many of the Olympians in The Weight of Gold, it felt like their entire lives came down to a 40-second performance, with their fate decided in the time it takes to clap, which is often the difference between first and fourth place in an Olympic event, between going down in history or being quickly forgotten.
“Unless you’re an Olympic athlete, it’s difficult to understand, when you fail at the Olympics, what a big deal that is,” says Jeremy Bloom (pictured left), a two-time Olympian in freestyle skiing.
The Weight of Gold suggests that many Olympians don’t feel like they have the resources to help deal with these post-Olympics blues. Partly, the documentary suggests, because they’re not as well-funded as you’d expect; partly because the federations are set up as conveyor belts to find and nurture new talent, rather than help retiring talent; and partly because Olympians, by their very nature, aren’t good at admitting weakness.
These days Michael has a new goal. “I’m ready to spend as much time as I have to in the years ahead to make sure others know that there’s help out there and that it’s okay to not be okay…”
What: The Weight of Gold film
Where: Showmax
More: The Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 will stream on Showmax Pro from 23 July 2021 until 8 August 2021
WS
